Raise your hand if you dread giving critical (or “Redirecting”) feedback. Maybe you’re like me and you hate conflict of any kind. Or maybe you don’t mind conflict, but you feel like every time you give feedback, it demotivates your employees…
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…
The magic formula for telling someone what they did wrong — while still motivating them!
This Confrontation Model comes from Susan Scott. She writes about it in her book, Fierce Conversations. You can also check out her TED talk here.
Preparation before the conversation
Before the conversation with your direct report. Take time to write out a “script.” You won’t actually have this script with you when you confront your direct report, but you will need to practice it a few times.
The more you use this model, the more you’ll remember the steps. But in the beginning, rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.
Timing is key
It should take you 60 seconds to deliver your message. Why is this important?
Have you ever been in a situation where someone dropped terrible news in your lap (for example, “we’re removing your position, and you no longer have a job”). After they gave the initial news, and your emotions started racing, how much more of the conversation did you hear? Probably nada.
It’s important to deliver this message quickly before the person’s fight-or-flight mechanism kicks in and they can’t hear you anymore.
One more note about timing
Do yourself and your direct report a favor by giving feedback early and often. Don’t save up your feedback for a weekly meeting, give it as soon as it’s appropriate after a situation happens.
That’s true for redirecting feedback and reinforcing feedback. Telling your direct report what you want them to keep doing can be even more important than telling them what they should stop doing.
Without further delay… (drumroll please) The Confrontation Model!
Step one: Your Opening Statement
This is the part that you need to rehearse, and should take you 60 second to deliver. It has seven components, and you can fill in the blanks.
- Name the issue
- Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior of situation you want to change
- Describe your emotions about this issue
- Clarify what is at stake
- Identify your contribution to this problem
- Indicate your wish to resolve the issue
- Invite your partner to respond
Here’s an example of what this might look like.
- Amber, I want to talk with you about your super long headings in your newsletters
- For example, in this week’s newsletter, you used the heading, “The magic formula for telling someone what they did wrong — while still motivating them!”
- I’m concerned about this because…
- I want you to be seen as a professional
- I recognize that I haven’t brought this up to you sooner, and that’s my fault
- I want to help find a way to resolve this
- Can you help me better understand what is going on?
*note for anyone interested. Fun is one of our company values here at Amber Deibert Coaching. We’re actually totally cool with long headers if they put a little smile on your face
Step two: Interation
This is where the conversation begins. Let them explain their perspective, and be sure to use active listening by paraphrasing what they said to make sure you understand.
As Dr. Stephen Covey would say, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Step three: Resolution
Here’s where you make the game plan for how you are going to move forward. What have we learned? What will you be accountable for? What will they be accountable for? What are the next steps?
It only takes minor tweaks to make a major difference. I’m here to teach them to you!