Do you worry what other people think about you?
I know this has been something I have struggled with for a long time.
I worried what people would think of my hair, my clothes, my face, my jokes, what I said, the questions I asked, what my kid does, how my mouth moves when I talk….
I mean really. The list is basically endless.
Maybe you’ve been here before too.
You subconsciously believe that you can control what people think of you.
You just have to be _______ enough, and they’ll like you.
It feels like high school all over again. Everything you do in your life is dictated by what you think people will think of you.
How is it working out for you?
I know, for myself, it wasn’t working. I was paralyzed. Every tiny decision I made was put through the filter of “what will so-and-so think of this?”
It’s exhausting, frankly.
I got to the point that I didn’t know what I wanted. What was important to me? If I genuinely didn’t care what other people thought of me, what would I choose to do – just because it felt right to me?
I love what Jen Sincero says about this.
She uses the analogy of a movie in a theatre. Let’s say 200 people go to a theatre and watch the same movie. It’s likely that at the end of the movie there will be a couple people in the audience who decidedly think it was the best movie they’ve ever seen. It’s also highly likely that there will be people in that exact same audience who think it was the WORST movie they’ve ever seen.
How can that be? They all watched the same movie right?
Everyone has different tastes, and different opinions.
You can’t control what anyone else thinks. No matter what you do.
Let’s play this out though (because, man. It sure would be great to control what other people think about you, wouldn’t it??).
Let’s say that I really put it into high gear. I do my absolute very best at trying to make sure people like me.
I ask them what they think of me. I change my appearance. I change how I behave. I change everything that they might not like. I really go full force on this.
Do you think they like me now?
People love other people who are super fake, right?
At this point, I’ve changed so much about myself, I’m no where near to being who I authentically am.
What do you think, do they like me more?
Do you think I like me more?
Crazy when you think about it, right?
They don’t like me any more. And I’m certain I don’t like me any more.
Nobody wins.
So what do we do instead?
Here are some ideas:
- The list of things that you think people are judging you for is really just a list of what you judge yourself for. What do you want to think about yourself instead?
- Recognize that no matter what you do, there is no way to make everyone like you (just like how you don’t like everyone…). And that’s okay. Those people aren’t your people.
- Take some time to figure out what brings you the most happiness and joy, and do that. Instead of worrying about what other people will think, find out what will bring you the most joy and do that.
- Give yourself some space to build a relationship with yourself. Start to get to know yourself. Listen to how you talk to yourself, and make sure you aren’t talking to yourself worse than you would a dear friend. Build a good relationship with yourself.
If you want coaching on this, I want to help you. Let’s pick apart the reasons behind your judgement of yourself, and instead build a solid relationship with yourself.
You can do it. I’ve got your back!
Get started at amberdeibert.com/consult