Story vs. Fact

How much of your life is caused by you, and how much of it happens to you?

For a large portion of my life I felt like it was all happening to me. I was the victim, and I couldn’t control the people around me who were causing all of these “awful” things to happen (like work that landed on my desk right before I intended to leave, or emails that hit my inbox and made me rage).

We all feel this way sometimes. We weren’t taught that we are the ones responsible for our feelings. Instead the people around us asked, “when he did that, how did that make you feel?”

It’s someone else’s fault. They did something mean, and of course we are totally right to feel angry about it. Right?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way. There’s no judgment if you choose to. ..but just realize that it IS a choice. 

I know you might be shaking your head, “Amber, you don’t understand. This isn’t a choice. Of COURSE I felt this way because that other person did that thing. Anyone would react the same way!”

What if it was a choice though?

What if you could decide for yourself what you wanted to feel?

What if it didn’t matter what people outside of you did? What if you could choose to show up and feel however you wanted to regardless of how people act?

Have you had much luck controlling the people around you?

If you haven’t, you might consider not basing your feelings on what they do or don’t do.

If you are into this idea, I want you to start noticing the things around you that are Facts (i.e. everyone would agree that it is true), and the things that are Stories (i.e. what you are making it mean).

For example. Imagine you’re in a meeting, and that annoying coworker interrupts you for the 100th time. Obviously they are trying to undermine you and make you look bad. Also, they clearly don’t like you. Did I mention that you aren’t the only one who thinks this way? Most of your other coworkers agree that they are trying to undermine you.

What are the facts in that story? Can you pick them out?

There’s basically one. You were talking, and the other person started talking at the same time.

You chose to make that mean that they were undermining you, and that they didn’t like you.

I just want you to consider this.

You don’t have to agree just yet, but I want you to consider it as an option.

Start to look around you to pick out the facts from the story. Just this practice alone will help you so much in your quest to feel what you want to feel, and be the person you want to be.