I’ve been studying emotions a lot lately.
When I was in a job that I hated, I remember feeling so stuck. I thought, “If only my manager was different,” or “If only my job responsibilities were different,” or “If only my coworkers were different,” or, “If only the company culture was different.”
I was sure that I would feel better if I was at a company with a different culture.
But those of you who have changed jobs like me, know that no matter where you go, you’ll still have that crazy coworker.
I knew that the common denominator was me. But I didn’t know how to change, so I just kept finding new jobs.
We’ve all had bad days
What do you do when you feel a negative emotion?
Do you go out for drinks to drown your sorrows?
Do you buy yourself a new pair of shoes to feel better?
Do you lash out and declare that life isn’t fair?
There are four things you can do with an emotion:
- Resist it – This is when you pretend it isn’t there, and push it aside. A great analogy is to imagine you’re pushing a beach ball underwater. You can only push the ball so far underwater until it explodes out of the water.
- React to it – This might look like yelling, punching a wall, giving the silent treatment, and/or plotting your revenge. All of these will sometimes feel productive, but they all have a negative consequence.
- Avoid it – In today’s world this is super easy. You can get all sorts of false pleasure easily. Food, phones, gambling, drinking… to name a few. You can very easily find something to distract you and temporarily make you feel better. But in the long run, you’re still stick in your same predicament.
- Allow it – You also have the option to just allow an emotion. The beautiful thing about this is that an emotion can’t do any long term damage if you just feel it. You can just allow it to exist, and know that it won’t last forever. You don’t have to cover it up or avoid it.
Pay attention to how you deal with negative emotion.
Start to notice and become aware of your typical reaction.
If you want to get really good at feeling and allowing your emotions, my coaching program will teach you to be a master at it.
Get started at amberdeibert.com/consult