Tips for success when giving feedback

REDIRECTING vs. REINFORCING FEEDBACK

These are the two types of feedback you will give to your direct reports.

Think of it this way, your direct report is on a path. If they stray from the path you want them to be on, you’ll just redirect them back onto the path. As they keep making the right moves and decisions, you’ll reinforce that they are going the right way.

Both types of feedback are incredibly important. Continually reinforce the behaviors that you want to continue to see. Also, you aren’t doing your direct report any favors by holding back redirecting feedback. Make sure to check your intent before giving the redirecting feedback.

FREQUENCY OF FEEDBACK

In the book, Radical Candor, Kim Scott retells a story about someone she hired who wasn’t performing. Instead of being radically candid with him about his performance (she didn’t want to be rude, or upset him), she instead told him his work was fine, and would rework it herself.

In the end he was fired. He was completely blindsided, and very hurt that Kim hadn’t told him what was really going on.

You may feel like you’re doing your direct report a favor by withholding feedback from them. You aren’t.

You need to give feedback early and often. Don’t wait until your one-on-one meeting to give feedback. “…I want to talk with you about something that happened 3 weeks ago on Tuesday…”

As soon as it is appropriate, pull your team member aside and give them feedback on a situation right after it happens.

Remember, reinforcing feedback is as important — if not more important — than redirecting. Continually reinforce the things that your direct report is doing well so they know what path you want them on.

And as always, check your intent.

BE SPECIFIC

Anytime you are giving feedback (redirecting or reinforcing), be sure to be specific.

Use a specific example of what they did.

Specify why you are bringing it up.

And specify what you want them to continue to do, or do instead.

SANDWICHING BAD FEEDBACK BETWEEN TWO LOVELY SLICES OF GOOD FEEDBACK

There has been lots of debate on whether to do this or not, but the general consensus agrees that it has got to stop.

“I really like how professionally you handled that meeting today. The email you sent to our Senior VP yesterday was riddled with typos, it makes our whole team look terrible when you send emails to senior leadership without proofreading. …also great job on those slides.” (Dramatized for impact. Not a good example of how to give redirecting feedback)

The only thing your direct report is going to hear is the negative part. Our brains are programmed to do that to keep us safe.

Instead, give all of this feedback, but in separate settings. Don’t lump it all together in an attempt to make it easier to swallow.

Give feedback early and often, and if ever you aren’t sure how someone will handle the feedback you want to give, check your intent (I can’t emphasize this enough. Get this right and you have nothing to worry about).

HOW MUCH REINFORCING vs. REDIRECTING FEEDBACK?

In the long-standing bestselling business book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey introduces the idea of an Emotional Bank Account.

Just like you can deposit and withdraw from a bank account, you can imagine that each of your relationships have their own bank account.

How many deposits (reinforcing feedback) are you making to keep those relationships strong?

Are you primarily withdrawing from an account (redirecting feedback)? Are you concerned about the account getting shut down?

Here are 6 major types of “account deposits” you can make with any relationship, but especially with your direct report:

1. Understanding the individual
   1. Spend the time to get to know this person and their particular motivations, aspirations, and biggest concerns.
2. Attending to the little things
   1. Sometimes it’s the small acts of kindness that make the biggest difference.
3. Keeping commitments
   1. Only make a promise when you know you can keep it.
4. Clarifying expectations
   1. Most interpersonal conflict comes from mismatched expectations. Be sure you explain in detail what your expectations are (and find out what they expect as well!) to set your direct report up for success from the beginning.
5. Showing personal integrity
   1. Having integrity (being honest, and doing the right thing) is the foundation of trust. Dr. Covey describes that one of the best ways to have personal integrity is to, “be loyal to those who are not present.” Don’t talk poorly about someone who isn’t there, and you’ll demonstrate to your direct report that you’ll do the same for them.
6. Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal
   1. Dr. Covey offers the suggestions of sincerely saying:
      1. “I was wrong”
      2. “That was unkind of me”
      3. “I showed you no respect”
      4. “I gave you no dignity, and I am deeply sorry”

Make sure you are continually making deposits into the Emotional Bank Accounts of your direct reports.

FEEDBACK ISN’T TRUTH

Remember, feedback isn’t truth, it’s just perception.

Something that may be the gold standard in one workplace may never work in another.

Your role as manager is to help set your direct report up for success. …and it’s okay to be wrong sometimes.